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Poster: Cliff Hucker Date: Jan 21, 2011 8:36pm
Forum: GratefulDead Subject: Just Say No to Phish

Just Say No to The Phish!

"Crisscrossing the country to promote a dangerous mix of communism, cybercrime and drug culture, notorious rock band “The Phish” is pushing American communities to the breaking point. This sad fact can be seen in the headlines so commonplace they no longer shock us: “Phish Fest Nets $81,000 in Drugs; 1,200 Arrests” or “Police Seize $1.2 Million Worth of Drugs From Phish Fans” or “Phish, Drugs and Rock ‘n’ Roll.” As towns and cities across this nation continue to be torn apart by this havoc, it’s high time we get educated about the undeniable threat our children are now facing.

Many successful musical acts like Britney Spears, Gwen Stefani and Josh Groban profit handsomely from studio albums and videos played on cable television stations. What The Phish does is far worse. More than any other band out there today, they have devoted countless hours and incredible financial resources to crossing the country in search of new converts. They are continuously “on tour” performing at venues large and small, prowling for intimate personal contact with the youth of America. Any group of people that makes such a calculated effort to insert itself into the lives of the innocent should surely raise the eyebrows of concerned parents. For The Phish, their modus operandi is to induce the naïve with promises of sexual pleasure and peer acceptance. Like serial killer Charles Manson, they lower inhibitions through hardcore drug use. As with false prophet Jim Jones, the price for such kicks is a complete dedication to their larger agenda.

One concerned mother recently wrote to Oprah Winfrey:

So I think my son is hooked on drugs. He just turned 18 and says I can’t control him anymore. His favorite band is Phish and I’ve seen some of the movie’s he has of this band and they look like a drug band.

He says he’s been waiting his whole life for this moment since I guess they recently reuinited (after the singer was caught with heroin!)

He says he’s sick of being a noob (whatever that means) and he needs to see his first Phish concert this summer or he never wants to speak to me again.

It’s so heartbreaking, he’s at the age where he will do whatever he wants to do since he doesn’t have to ask my permission. He doesn’t look healthy and I don’t want him going to this concert. I did some research on the band and they sound like bad news.

I’m about ready to slash his tires on his cars its making me that upset.

A terrifying story indeed!

A closer look at this group’s music proves the implicit endorsement of drug culture that The Phish engages in. There are ballads with titles that celebrate narcotic experimentation such as, “Marijuana” and “Christmas Without Weed.” And then there are those who have secret messages difficult to decipher at first glance. One of their most famous works, “Prince Caspian” is centered on cocaine use and even opens with the noise of a bubbling crack pipe. The lyric, “the children in the fields all sowing seed and chaffing” is a clear reference to the cocoa growers of Columbia. “Bouncing Round The Room” tells the horrendous story of a man who brutally beats his girlfriend around his apartment while on a drug binge. “The Mango Song” talks about running out of marijuana supplies, while “Twist” celebrates a hardcore LSD trip. And the list goes on and on.

The concerts themselves are the foulest orgies of self-indulgent self-satisfaction seen since the tumultuous sixties. When first ushered to their assigned locations in the arena, these “Phishheads” will immediately scope out the area for the most pliable drug abusers within range of their tapping fingers and “Hey dude” calls so that they may score communal soft drinks and “drags” from poorly-rolled blunts. As the evening grows later, they will abandon any sense of camaraderie to lifelong friends in order to scheme closer seats and vivacious women. Eventually the night reaches a fever pitch of exposed breasts and mushroom peaks and the terrifying hippie dancing will begin. Naked, they writhe and commingle with erotic intensity as guitarist Trey Anastasio descends into confusing jam sessions. Children of all ages will tear off their clothes and jump in muddy mosh pits, kicking and penetrating each other with little compunction for common sense. Young girls have their precious bodies traded among eager, breaded elders and teen boys are forced into nightmares of sexual congress. Even regular Phishheads will admit that masturbation is shockingly common in their “scene.”

The music itself is demeaning at best and criminally violent at worst. For mature listeners, it will make no sense. There is an incomprehensible absurdity to their lyrics, like the loudest ramblings of a derelict beaten down by years of alcoholism and homelessness. The instrumental sounds they produce violate all the requirements of high art. There is no rhyme, no reason. Meter, particularly in the hands of keyboardist Page McConnell, does not exist on their stage. Quite simply, band members mash up violent drumming with amateur guitar screeches at such high speeds there is no doubt that heroin is doing a guest performance with the group. (Transvestite drummer Jon Fishman and shifty-eyed bassist Mike Gordon are clearly the most guilty of these auditory abuses.) Their noise seems intentionally calibrated to overload the central nervous system with false messages of terror and orgasm. If there ever were a soundtrack to schizophrenia, this would surely be it. No wonder there is a direct link between psychosis and fans of The Phish.

Of course, drugs are irrevocably connected to this world. How else could one find meaning or even rhythm in their perverse sounds? Recently, authorities made a cursory sweep through a concert and seized:

“70 tanks of nitrous oxide, over 550 grams of marijuana, about 135 grams of mushrooms and more than 100 pills of various prescription narcotics, along with brownies, cookies and Rice Krispies treats laced with marijuana. Police also confiscated 21 cookies containing LSD.”

Other narcotics common in this crowd include: ecstasy, methamphetamine, cocaine, psylocibin, MDMA, hashish, heroin, Adderall and Klonazapin. Mix them all together and drip them into the bloodstream continuously for five years and that’s the mental state of your average fan.

Hedonism continues unabated in the parking lots after these shows. The band pays for tanks of hospital nitrous oxide to be wheeled out so that the hordes of regulars struggling with their symptoms of withdrawal can be managed. As people chug this controlled medical substance, their bodies are subdued with painful cardiac fits. These masochists seem to enjoy it, however, and their friends will find obscene entertainment in watching a comrade flopping helplessly in the dirt. Those too high to return to their parent’s homes will go anywhere nearby to sleep. In dirty motel rooms and even in the backs of old schoolbuses, these people will give their bodies over to painful patchouli sex parties in exchange for a wet pillow on which to rest their heads. (Rumors that roadies and band members regulary crash these events to demand gratification have garnered the attention of police detectives.) In other parking lot vehicles, puffs on pot pipes are bartered for hasty fondlings. Grungy tapestries may hide the worst of these acts from passing eyes, but the cries and splattered fluids on windows are enough to tell the horrific story. For the frustrated, reckless masturbation in Port-O-Johns is the highlight of their evenings. It gives them a small sense of control to harass their aching phalluses to the beat of drummer Fishman’s incoherent thrashings.

This after concert scene is an ideal hunting ground for pimps, ex-cons and manipulators. For the young, so eager to impress and be part of the “in” crowd, it is a terrifying conundrum. They undergo incredible pressures to extend the hippie party beyond a single night at the concert. Tie-dye shirts and cheap trinkets are sold on every corner. Little gas burners of organic foods light up. Marijuana clouds pass overhead. Crude shrines to lead singer Trey are constructed out of falafel wrappers and whippet canisters. And these weak young men and women are encouraged to take the leap into a full “on tour” lifestyle, abandoning family and faith as they pursue never-ending psychedelic trips and dreadlocked sex games in the nearby public parks.

One area of this culture that demands closer inspection is The Phish’s involvement in cybercrime. It may explain the tremendous growth of their empire and how these endless tours are financed. A few years back, investigators noticed a new type of theft across the internet. In a secret nod to this rock band, it was named “Phishing” and involved high tech identity fraud. The people behind it often dig through household garbage, looking for any documents that contain personal information like social security numbers and bank codes. These are then used to create fake drivers’ licenses or credit cards. Clearly, the gypsy-like lifestyle of Phishheads, moving from town to town, digging through other people’s garbage and making easy friends, assures that this a natural outlet for those who seek money outside of gainful employment.

As we take a broad look at this culture spreading to our communities, the question must be asked: What is the ultimate goal of The Phish? Clearly, there is a strong current of communist sympathies in this crowd. These people delight in shared seating and organic products. They demand that their members participate in a “green” lifestyle, despite the fact that it undermines American industries and flies in the face of traditional consumerism. They oppose wars and hard work, instead preferring drum circles and perpetual protest. They even aim to include fringe Christian groups, falsely claiming that the hippie lifestyle conforms to Biblical teaching. A closer look reveals a hidden hierarchy among these people. Older “trust fund hippies” occupy the power elite, using tactics not unlike those employed by the Politburo in the Soviet Union to monitor and control the unruly masses of newbies and the chronically overdosed. With relentless psychological warfare, these elders demand sacrifices to the cause, while at the same time secretly indulging in the plentiful supply of supple young women and fresh drugs that their status affords them. Rarely do they ever open up their discarded front row seats, hotel room suites and air conditioned luxury cars to the common man.

As for the band itself, one can only hypothesize where their broader agenda is leading. It goes without saying that they employ the very same tactics common among drug gangs, pedophiles and cult leaders to spread their dangerous message. If their activities are leading to gun violence, child rape or mass suicide, should we not do everything in our power to stop it?"

http://christwire.org/2011/01/just-say-no-to-the-phish/

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Poster: micah6vs8 Date: Jan 22, 2011 6:32am
Forum: GratefulDead Subject: Re: Just Say No to Phish

Less (Lesh?) is usually more with parody. They should read The Onion more.

Which reminds me, the former editor-in-chief of The Onion, Robert Siegel, wrote and directed a movie named, Big Fan (2009). A very odd film on Instant N/flix.

And just so I can write, C.S. Lewis, Prince Caspian is a Christian allegorical work written by him in 1949.
Hey parents. The Narnia books are magical for a child. And there are no Christian references at all in any of the 7 books. When I re-read them to my children, I was like, 'How did I miss all this the first 3 or 4 times I read them as a kid?' Kids books don't get much better.

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Poster: DeadRed1971 Date: Jan 21, 2011 10:20pm
Forum: GratefulDead Subject: Re: Just Say No to Phish

I clicked on the author, Stephenson Billings, name and found this friend on his Facebook page:

http://www.facebook.com/jennixo89

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Poster: Capt. Cook Date: Jan 21, 2011 9:14pm
Forum: GratefulDead Subject: Re: Just Say No to Phish

Wow, Cliff - Young girls, dreadlocked sex games, communal soft-drinks, falafel shrines to Trey and christian-themed drum circles! Did Eliot Spitzer start a summer camp? Is this the new Rush Limbaugh Rehabilitation Plan? Sounds not half bad if we didn't have to actually listen to Bouncing Around The Room and Welcome This Is A Goddamn Farmhouse.

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Poster: AltheaRose Date: Jan 21, 2011 9:39pm
Forum: GratefulDead Subject: Re: Just Say No to Phish

And I thought it would be a thread on the boring music.

Ya know, I was almost offended there was nary a reference to "The Phish's" historical debt to the Friend-of-the-Devil GD in such an otherwise thoroughly, um, "researched" article. From the Ted Haggard School of Journalism, perhaps? I'm suspecting participatory journalism. Something to do with a Port-a-John.

And Capt, you may think it sounds like all fun and felafel, but could you go THIS far?

>They demand that their members participate in a “green” lifestyle, despite the fact that it undermines American industries and flies in the face of traditional consumerism.





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Poster: Capt. Cook Date: Jan 21, 2011 10:18pm
Forum: GratefulDead Subject: Re: Just Say No to Phish

Funny, cause most of the Phish fans I know drive nice cars and pay for their beer and T-Shirts with Visa's, just like the folks who write this stuff. The drugs are always cash only. But everybody knows that...

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Poster: AltheaRose Date: Jan 21, 2011 10:38pm
Forum: GratefulDead Subject: Re: Just Say No to Phish

But look closer, and I bet those cars include ... Priuses! And the t-shirts might be made of organic cotton. Things are pretty scary out there.

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Poster: jds121291 Date: Jan 22, 2011 11:46am
Forum: GratefulDead Subject: Re: Just Say No to Phish

haha this is hilarious. looks like a lot of folks didnt get it was satire though.

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Poster: rastamon Date: Jan 22, 2011 12:40pm
Forum: GratefulDead Subject: Re: Just Say No to Phish

?? Been to 5 Phish shows, had a grate time, enjoyed lots (but not all) of their jammin....hey!

I say yes to Phish

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Poster: jds121291 Date: Jan 22, 2011 5:42pm
Forum: GratefulDead Subject: Re: Just Say No to Phish

hey say yes to "the Phish", if it turns you on, by all means. i just thought it was a good piece of satire.

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Poster: rastamon Date: Jan 23, 2011 1:36pm
Forum: GratefulDead Subject: Re: Just Say No to Phish

i just thought it was a good piece of satire

..understood. Still, I must have missed something, I spent quite a while in the Phish lot b4 shows at the Shoreline, never witnessed such a scene...just seemed like a normal Dead lot- i did see cops busting some with nitros, way back in the lot

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Poster: William Tell Date: Jan 22, 2011 5:40am
Forum: GratefulDead Subject: Re: Just Say No to Phish

Hmmm--sounds like things around here:

“…these people will give their bodies over to painful patchouli sex parties…Older “trust fund Forumites” occupy the power elite, using tactics not unlike those employed by the Politburo in the Soviet Union to monitor and control the unruly masses of newbies and the chronically under-educated. With relentless psychological warfare, these elders demand sacrifices to the cause, while at the same time secretly indulging in the plentiful supply of supple young women and fresh drugs that their status affords them….”

Well, I for one agree that THOSE kinds of sex parties ARE painful, but I haven't seen anything along the lines of "...plentiful supply of supple..." anything!

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Poster: boltman Date: Jan 22, 2011 6:58am
Forum: GratefulDead Subject: Re: Just Say No to Phish

Check out the "hilarious article" thread a few down...splains it all Ricky.

The guy writes satire and does it well.

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Poster: user unknown Date: Jan 22, 2011 4:33am
Forum: GratefulDead Subject: Re: Just Say No to Phish

check this one out...

http://nymag.com/daily/intel/2010/09/christwire.html

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Poster: Granola Pilgrim Date: Jan 22, 2011 5:00am
Forum: GratefulDead Subject: Re: Just Say No to Phish

"Any group of people that makes such a calculated effort to insert itself into the lives of the innocent should surely raise the eyebrows of concerned parents."

I think this statement particularly applies to the group that wrote this article. And after reading the article, both my eyebrows are raised.
I'm not entirely convinced this isn't a joke. If it's not, these people are on the same level of ignorance as the hate groups.

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Poster: deadjunkie Date: Jan 22, 2011 7:41am
Forum: GratefulDead Subject: Re: Just Say No to Phish

Great piece of satire!
It resembles the writing in a lot of cheap pulp fiction paperbacks.
Or perhaps it could be a low budget sexploitation flick...
"See the terrifying hippie dance!"
"Hear the false messages of terror and orgasm!"
"Witness painful patchouli sex parties!"
"See the spattered fluids on windows!"

Somebody call John Waters!

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Poster: cousinkix1953 Date: Jan 21, 2011 9:42pm
Forum: GratefulDead Subject: Re: Just Say No to Phish

A friend of mine gave me a few Phish? tapes in the 90s. I never could listen to that shit for very long. Haven't bothered for many years.

Something tells me that this religious guy would have written much the same thing about the Grateful Dead too. Anybody else remember those fundies who showed up in the parking lot in Oakland with their bullhorns yelling, "repent"...

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Poster: DeadRed1971 Date: Jan 21, 2011 9:48pm
Forum: GratefulDead Subject: Re: Just Say No to Phish

It's probably someone from the Phred Phelps Phamily.

God Hates Phags and Phish.

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Poster: cousinkix1953 Date: Jan 22, 2011 3:54pm
Forum: GratefulDead Subject: Re: Just Say No to Phish

Must be. You are gay if you don't belong to their cult. Nice to see those nutcases run out of Arizona after the shooting. Where did they get the idea that a 9 year old girl was already a practicing lesbian?

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Poster: DeadRed1971 Date: Jan 21, 2011 9:41pm
Forum: GratefulDead Subject: Re: Just Say No to Phish

I can't believe this is a serious article. This sounds like something right out of The Onion or Uncyclopedia.

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Poster: AltheaRose Date: Jan 21, 2011 9:48pm
Forum: GratefulDead Subject: Re: Just Say No to Phish

It's so over-the-top it sure sounds like it, but it's real. If you click on the link, there are helpful hints at the end of the article:

"If you like this, you might also like: 'Why Do Hippies Still Exist in America?' And, 'Why Isn't Barack Obama Protecting White People from Racism?'"

A lot of people read these kinds of online "news sources."

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Poster: DeadRed1971 Date: Jan 21, 2011 10:25pm
Forum: GratefulDead Subject: Re: Just Say No to Phish

I don't know about that AR:

http://www.unhblog.com/2009/10/christwire-real-or-satire.html

I like this one:

http://christwire.org/2010/05/how-to-spot-a-masturbator/

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Poster: AltheaRose Date: Jan 22, 2011 4:36am
Forum: GratefulDead Subject: Re: Just Say No to Phish

OK, you're right. Apparently the Huffington Post and NBC Los Angeles fell for it too ...

http://www.theatlanticwire.com/opinions/view/opinion/Satirical-Christian-Site-Hoodwinks-the-Huffington-Post-4766

Funny thing is, I'm usually really good at spotting urban legends, parody, etc. But dang, this really does sound a WHOLE LOT like stuff some of my right-wing fundamentalist relatives seem to swallow wholesale. (Not my whole family fortunately, but there's a passel of 'em. Good folks, but ... well ... we have different takes on reality.) If they found this online, they'd probably subscribe and send the links on to me. Hmmm, maybe I should send it to THEM ... mwaaa haaaa haaa ....




This post was modified by AltheaRose on 2011-01-22 12:36:10

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Poster: ringolevio Date: Jan 22, 2011 7:21am
Forum: GratefulDead Subject: Re: Just Say No to Phish

>his really does sound a WHOLE LOT like stuff some of my right-wing fundamentalist relatives seem to swallow wholesale. (Not my whole family fortunately, but there's a passel of 'em. Good folks, but ... well ... we have different takes on reality.

Are we related? I've got a passel of those relatives too :)
I chuckled most at the "terrifying hippie dancing" - somehow, that phrase clued me in it wasn't real. Of all the things to be terrified of - hippie dancing?

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Poster: AltheaRose Date: Jan 22, 2011 7:28am
Forum: GratefulDead Subject: Re: Just Say No to Phish

Well, it probably looks heathen. In fact, it IS.

Here's how I found out. There's a Hindu women's festival here (called Teej) where women dance, sing and drum all night. Years ago, in a little village, I was taking part in Teej with some women when someone asked, "How did you learn to dance the right way?" Well, I was just doing Basic Grateful Dead Dancing. But it turns out that Basic Grateful Dead Dancing is exactly the "right way" to dance here. I always get the same, kind-of-surprised reaction: "Hey, you actually know how to dance!"

So, that's my proof that it's heathen. And hence COULD be seen as "scary" ...

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Poster: Granola Pilgrim Date: Jan 22, 2011 4:49am
Forum: GratefulDead Subject: Re: Just Say No to Phish

This can't be a serious article, can it? It's equal parts ignorance and hilarity.
I always thought the way to spot a masturbator was to either look in the mirror or go outside and look at anybody.
This article is truly stupid.

"The graph below is a detailed exploration of the habits and appearances of the addicted self-abuser. This young man is putting his future at risk by devoting more time to masturbation than to looking for employment, socializing within his community and preparing himself for marriage. If pushed, he will lie, cheat and steal to support his habit. Many college students fall victim to this lifestyle."
HUH!!!!

What exactly does someone need to "lie, cheat or steal to support his habit."
Last time I checked, you really only need two things, Mr. Tiny and Mr. Hand. Lying, cheating and stealing don't really factor into the equation.